The Forgiveness Process: Healing One Step at a Time

Introduction: Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Single Decision

Most people think forgiveness happens in a single moment.

"Just say you forgive them and move on!"

But the truth is, forgiveness is a process—a journey that unfolds step by step, much like healing a deep wound.

In my book, The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness, I share how I struggled with forgiveness after experiencing deep betrayal.

You wouldn’t expect a broken bone to heal overnight. So why do we expect deep emotional wounds to heal instantly?

If you’re struggling to forgive, don’t rush it—just take the next step.

A Personal Journey of Forgiveness (Excerpt from The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness)

In my book, I open up about one of the most painful seasons of my life—a time when forgiveness felt impossible. Here’s a glimpse into my personal story:

I remember vividly the day my world was turned upside down. My first husband, whom I loved deeply, committed adultery and sinned against God. It was the most hurtful thing I had ever experienced. He left our home for over eight months, during which he was nasty and disrespectful to me. He ignored calls from our children and refused to help with household expenses, despite convincing me to quit my job earlier.It felt as if the core had been ripped out of me, like my very essence had been taken. Those were dark days, filled with loneliness and despair. I felt abandoned, not just by my husband, but by life itself. But even in my darkest moments, God was there, waiting for me to turn to Him.Initially, I didn’t lean on God. I ignored every road sign, every traffic light, and every emergency vehicle sent my way. I tried to navigate the pain and betrayal on my own, but the more I struggled, the deeper I sank into a pit of bitterness.Then, one night, as I sat alone in my room, overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions, I remembered the words of Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV):"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."In my brokenness, I cried out to God, seeking the rest He promised. Slowly, His words began to penetrate my heart, offering a glimmer of hope in the darkness. I realized that the path of forgiveness was not something I could walk alone. I needed God’s strength and guidance.

That night, I took the first step. It wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t easy—but it was the beginning of my healing.

Step One: Acknowledge the Hurt

📖 Psalm 34:18 (KJV) – "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."

Before healing begins, we must first acknowledge the pain. Many people try to suppress their hurt, pretending it doesn’t exist. But forgiveness starts with honesty.

Ask yourself:🔹 What exactly am I struggling to forgive?🔹 How did this offense affect me?🔹 Have I allowed myself to fully process my emotions?

You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.

What Forgiveness Isn’t

Before moving forward, let’s clear up some common misconceptions:

❌ Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it releases its power over you.

❌ Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. Some relationships can be restored, but others may need permanent distance.

❌ Forgiveness isn’t weakness. It takes strength to let go and trust God with justice.

Understanding these truths can help you move forward without guilt or confusion.

Step Two: Choose to Release the Offense

📖 Colossians 3:13 (KJV) – "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If we wait until we feel ready, we may never get there.

When you choose to forgive, you are saying:

✅ I release the need for revenge.

✅ I give this pain over to God.

✅ I will not allow this offense to define me.

Your emotions may not instantly align with your choice—but keep choosing it daily, and healing will follow.

Step Three: Pray for Strength and Perspective

📖 Matthew 5:44 (KJV) – "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."

Praying for those who hurt us feels unnatural, but it’s one of the most powerful steps in forgiveness.

Start small:🙏 "Lord, help me to release this pain."🙏 "Father, soften my heart."🙏 "God, help me see them through Your eyes."

Over time, you’ll notice a change in your heart.

Step Four: Set Boundaries Where Needed

📖 Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) – "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

Forgiveness does not mean allowing toxic people unlimited access to your life.

✅ You can forgive and still set healthy boundaries.

✅ Some relationships can be restored—others require permanent distance.

✅ Either way, guard your heart as you heal.

Boundaries aren’t revenge—they’re wisdom.

Step Five: Keep Moving Forward

📖 Philippians 3:13-14 (KJV) – "Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."

Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some days, you’ll feel free—other days, the pain may sneak back in. That’s okay. Forgiveness is a journey.

When old wounds resurface, remind yourself:

✅ I am not back at square one.

✅ This is just another opportunity to reaffirm my choice to forgive.

✅ I will bring this moment of pain to God and trust Him with my healing.

Each time you choose forgiveness, you’re walking in freedom.

💡 Take the Next Step Today

✔️ Write down what step you’re currently on in this process.

✔️ Pray and ask God to reveal the next step for you.

✔️ Drop a comment below: What has helped you in your forgiveness journey? Your testimony could encourage someone else!

🔹 If this post blessed you, share it with someone who needs to hear it today.

📜 Copyright Disclaimer:

All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.

Why Do I Keep Struggling with Forgiveness?

Introduction: When Forgiveness Feels Like a Battle

You thought you forgave them, but then a memory resurfaces. The pain rushes back, and suddenly, you’re angry all over again. Does this mean you haven’t really forgiven?

In The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness, I remind readers that forgiveness is not a one-time event—it’s a daily choice. It’s important to recognize that forgiveness is a winding, sometimes unpredictable path. Each day brings new challenges and sometimes old wounds reappear. These moments are not failures but opportunities to deepen your understanding of yourself and to lean more into God’s healing love.

If you keep struggling with forgiveness, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human, experiencing the complexity of emotions that come with deep hurt. The good news? God is walking with you through this process, offering you strength and guidance every step of the way.

1. Struggling to Forgive Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Forgiven

📖 Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV) – "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

Forgiveness is like peeling an onion—there are layers to it. You might forgive on one level, but as time goes on, deeper layers of pain surface. This process is much like healing from any deep emotional wound; the surface might start to mend, but the deeper layers need attention as well. This ongoing experience of pain doesn’t invalidate your earlier decision to forgive—it simply reflects the reality that healing unfolds gradually.

Each time the hurt resurfaces, instead of thinking, "I must not have forgiven them," try saying:

• "I forgave them before, and I choose to forgive them again today."

  This affirmation reinforces your commitment to forgiveness, reminding you that each moment is a fresh opportunity to let go of old pain.

• "Healing is happening, even if I can’t see it yet."

  Acknowledging that healing is an incremental process can help ease the frustration of not feeling instantly whole.

• "God’s grace covers me as I work through this."

  Invoking God’s grace serves as a reminder that you are not alone in your struggle and that divine help is always available.

Remember, forgiveness is a process, not a single event. It’s okay to revisit the decision to forgive as often as needed, deepening your release of hurt over time.

2. Unforgiveness Can Masquerade as Self-Protection

📖 Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) – "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."

Sometimes, holding onto unforgiveness feels like it’s protecting you. You might think:

• "If I let this go, they might hurt me again."

• "If I forgive, does that mean I have to trust them?"

• "Holding onto this pain reminds me never to let my guard down."

However, these thoughts, while understandable, can trap you in a cycle of fear and resentment. Unforgiveness might seem like a form of self-defense, but in reality, it acts like a barrier that prevents you from experiencing true healing and freedom. Instead of protecting you, it poisons your inner life, keeping you emotionally tied to the person or event that caused the hurt.

It’s important to differentiate between setting healthy boundaries and clinging to past pain as a defense mechanism. Boundaries are about safeguarding your well-being without imprisoning you in the past. Unforgiveness, on the other hand, keeps you locked in a cycle of negativity, giving the offender a continued influence over your emotional state.

3. Your Mind Wants Justice, But God Calls You to Release It

📖 Romans 12:19 (KJV) – "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."

One of the biggest struggles with forgiveness is the desire for justice. You might find yourself thinking:

• "They never even apologized!"

• "They don’t deserve to be forgiven!"

• "They moved on like nothing happened—why should I let it go?"

These thoughts are natural when you’ve been hurt. Your mind seeks to balance the scales and right the wrongs done to you. However, holding on to these ideas of retribution only keeps the wound fresh. Forgiveness isn’t about absolving the other person of their responsibility; it’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment.

When you forgive, you’re not condoning what happened. Instead, you are trusting that God, who is just and loving, will address the imbalance. This act of surrender allows you to reclaim your peace and move forward, knowing that the burden of seeking personal justice is lifted from your shoulders.

4. The Enemy Will Try to Pull You Back Into Unforgiveness

📖 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (KJV) – "To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also... Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices."

The enemy is always on the lookout for opportunities to disrupt your healing journey. Bitterness and unforgiveness are powerful tools that can be used to keep you locked in past hurts. When you begin to experience progress, you might notice:

🔹 Old wounds resurfacing unexpectedly.

🔹 Sudden bursts of anger that seem disproportionate to current circumstances.

🔹 Memories manipulated by negative thoughts, keeping you tethered to the past.

These experiences are not signs of failure; they are reminders of the spiritual battle happening within. Recognize these tactics for what they are—attempts to derail your journey toward freedom. Each time you sense unforgiveness creeping in, reaffirm your commitment by saying:

• "I have already forgiven, and I will not reopen this wound."

  This statement helps to reaffirm the decisions you’ve already made and reinforces your resolve.

• "I refuse to let bitterness take root in my heart."

  Such an affirmation is a proactive step in guarding your heart against negativity.

• "Satan, you will not steal my peace."

  Directly addressing the enemy in your thoughts can empower you to reject his influence over your emotions.

Staying vigilant against these influences ensures that your progress in forgiveness is not undone by fleeting moments of vulnerability.

5. Keep Bringing It Back to God

📖 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV) – "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."

Forgiving on your own can feel overwhelming, but you are not expected to shoulder this burden alone. God’s grace and strength are always available, especially in moments of weakness. When you find yourself struggling, return to Him. Allow His love to fill in the gaps where your strength falls short.

If you’re having difficulty releasing the pain, consider this prayer as a gentle reminder of God’s presence:

"Lord, I’m trying, but it’s hard. I don’t want to hold onto this hurt, but it still lingers. Please help me release this pain into Your hands. I trust You with my healing and with justice. Strengthen my heart and help me walk in freedom. In Jesus’ name, Amen."

This prayer is more than just words—it’s an invitation to let God work in the spaces of your heart where hurt resides. By continually bringing your struggles to Him, you remind yourself that His strength is made perfect in your weakness.

Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting what happened—it’s about trusting God with what you cannot manage on your own.

The Road to Release: Keep Moving Forward

If you’re still struggling, don’t beat yourself up. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Each step, even those that feel like setbacks, is a part of your overall growth and healing.

💡 Reflection:

• Do I believe that forgiveness is a daily choice?

  Reflect on how embracing forgiveness every day, even in small ways, gradually transforms your heart.

• Am I holding onto unforgiveness out of fear or self-protection?

  Consider whether your reluctance to forgive is rooted in a desire to avoid future pain or to maintain a sense of control.

• Have I fully surrendered this situation to God?

  Examine if you are trusting God with the details of your hurt, allowing Him to bring about the justice and healing that only He can provide.

Forgiveness is ultimately about your healing, your freedom, and your peace. The journey may be long and at times challenging, but every effort you make is a step toward reclaiming your emotional and spiritual well-being.

Let’s Talk

Have you ever had to re-forgive someone you thought you had already forgiven? What insights or practices helped you move forward? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Your story might just be the encouragement someone else needs to take another step on their path to forgiveness.

Remember, the struggle with forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re in the process of becoming stronger, more compassionate, and more aligned with God’s grace. Keep pressing forward, and allow His love to lead you every day.

📜 Copyright Disclaimer:

All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.

The Cost of Unforgiveness – What’s Holding You Back?

The Weight You Weren’t Meant to Carry

I know what it’s like to hold onto pain for too long. To think I had it under control—only to realize it was controlling me.

For years, I carried the weight of unforgiveness, thinking that if I let go, I was letting them off the hook. I convinced myself that remembering every detail of what was done to me would somehow protect me from it happening again. But all I did was build a prison for myself—one where I replayed the hurt over and over, even when the people who caused it were long gone.

Two of the people who hurt me the most are dead, and others have moved on. They are no longer thinking about what they did to me. Meanwhile, I spent years bound to the residue of their actions. Unforgiveness wasn’t hurting them—it was hurting me.

And not just emotionally or spiritually—it began to affect my physical body.

1. Unforgiveness Keeps You Bound

There was a time when I thought holding onto unforgiveness gave me power. That if I didn’t let it go, I was somehow holding them accountable. But in reality, I was the one still chained to the past.

📖 Matthew 18:21-22 (KJV) – "Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven."

Jesus wasn’t telling Peter to literally count 490 offenses. He was saying forgiveness should be limitless—because if we don’t release it, we stay bound.

I lived in that bondage for years. Unforgiveness showed up in my conversations, my emotions, and even my health. I thought I had moved on, but deep down, the pain was still shaping my life.

The truth is, the people who hurt you may never acknowledge what they did. They may never apologize. But do you really want to stay shackled to the past while they live their lives?

2. Unforgiveness Affects Your Relationship With God

One of the hardest truths I had to face was how my unforgiveness was blocking my relationship with God. I was praying for healing, praying for peace—but my own heart was in the way.

📖 Matthew 6:14-15 (KJV) – "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

I struggled with that scripture for a long time. How could I forgive when the pain was still so real? But then God showed me: Unforgiveness hardens your heart. And a hardened heart can’t fully receive God’s blessings.

It wasn’t that He was withholding His grace from me—I just wasn’t in a position to receive it. My hands were too full of past pain to embrace what He was trying to give me.

3. Unforgiveness Affected My Health

This is where things got real for me. Unforgiveness didn’t just affect my spirit—it affected my body.

I live with rheumatoid arthritis (RA), lung disease, and a list of other health conditions. The doctors can give me medical explanations, but I know in my spirit that years of carrying unforgiveness did damage to my body.

📖 Proverbs 17:22 (KJV) – "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones."

It’s not just spiritual—science even proves that holding onto resentment affects us physically. Studies show that unforgiveness can lead to:

✅ Increased stress and anxiety

✅ High blood pressure

✅ Weakened immune system

✅ Insomnia and fatigue

I’ve dealt with:

✅ Chronic pain – RA has made even simple tasks difficult, and stress only made it worse.

✅ Fatigue & weakness – My body physically felt the weight of my emotional pain.

✅ Breathing issues – My lung disease makes it hard to breathe at times, and I believe stress and bitterness played a role in that.

✅ High blood pressure & stress – Holding onto past hurts keeps your nervous system in fight mode. I was constantly on edge.

The body and soul are connected. Science even confirms what God already told us—holding onto resentment literally damages our health.

When I finally started releasing my unforgiveness, I noticed small but real changes. No, I’m not fully healed yet—but I believe God is working on me. It’s a process, but I am finally walking the road to release.

4. Unforgiveness Prevents You from Moving Forward

One of the biggest lies the enemy tells us is that holding onto the pain protects us. But in reality, it only keeps the wound open.

📖 Isaiah 43:18-19 (KJV) – "Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?"

I used to say, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” But God had to correct me—constantly revisiting the offense doesn’t protect you; it paralyzes you.

I’m not saying you’ll forget what happened. But if you keep reliving the offense, the wound will never heal. You can acknowledge the pain without staying stuck in it.

The Road to Release: A Lifelong Journey

Forgiveness is not saying, "It didn’t hurt." It’s saying, "I choose not to let this pain define me anymore."

It’s not a one-time event—it’s a daily decision. Some days, I still struggle. Some days, the memories hit me harder than I expect. But every day, I choose freedom over bondage, peace over pain, and healing over bitterness.

So, I’ll ask again: What is it costing you to hold on?

This week, I encourage you to take time with God. If someone’s name brings up anger, pain, or resentment, that’s a sign the wound is still fresh. Ask Him to help you release it.

Because forgiveness may be hard—but staying bound is harder.

Let’s Talk: Your Journey to Release

Have you ever struggled to let go? How has unforgiveness affected your life—physically, emotionally, or spiritually? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your story.

🔥 Join the conversation in the Blaze Setter Chronicles! 🔥

📜 Copyright Disclaimer:

All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.