Let’s be honest—there are moments when forgiveness feels like the last thing we want to do. When the hurt is raw, when trust is shattered, when we’re still wiping away tears… how do we even start?
I’ve been there. And if I’m real about it, I’ve had times when I didn’t WANT to forgive. I wanted justice, closure—SOMETHING to make the pain make sense. But here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness isn’t about them. It’s about me. It’s about you. It’s about refusing to let pain keep you prisoner.
1. Acknowledge the Hurt
We can’t heal what we won’t face. Pretending we’re fine when we’re really broken inside doesn’t help. God isn’t asking us to fake it—He’s asking us to bring our real, messy emotions to Him.
Psalm 34:18 says:"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."
God isn’t distant from your pain. He sees it. He cares. And He wants to help you process it. But here’s the thing: processing pain is different from replaying it.
2. Don’t Keep Reopening the Wound
You may not forget the pain, but revisiting the offense over and over again will keep reopening the wound. If you keep replaying what happened, rehearsing the conversations, or dwelling on the betrayal, it will always feel fresh—like it just happened. And when the wound stays fresh, forgiveness becomes nearly impossible.
This is why you’ll never hear me say, “I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.” That mindset sabotages the journey of forgiveness. If I keep reminding myself of the offense, I’m keeping myself chained to the hurt, and moving forward won’t happen.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us:"Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
That means guarding what you allow to take up space in your heart and mind. If you truly want to forgive, you have to stop feeding the pain.
3. Remember What Forgiveness Is (and Isn’t)
Forgiving someone doesn’t mean:
❌ Saying what they did was okay.
❌ Acting like it didn’t hurt.
❌ Letting them back into your life.
Forgiveness means:
✅ Releasing the weight of what happened to God.
✅ Choosing peace over resentment.
✅ Trusting that justice belongs to Him, not us.
Romans 12:19 reminds us:"Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
It’s not our job to make things right—God’s got that covered.
4. Pray for the Person Who Hurt You (Yes, Really)
This one is hard, but it works. I used to roll my eyes when people said, “Just pray for them.” But when I actually did, something shifted.
I wasn’t excusing their behavior, but I was breaking the grip that bitterness had on me. I was no longer giving them power over my peace.
Jesus said in Matthew 5:44:"Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."
Praying for someone who hurt you isn’t about them—it’s about YOUR heart. When you pray for them, you release the offense. You open the door for healing.
5. Give Yourself Grace in the Process
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight. Some days, you’ll feel okay. Other days, the pain will sneak back in. That doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re human.
But here’s the key: when those thoughts come, don’t entertain them. Refuse to relive the situation. Redirect your focus. When the enemy tries to bring up old wounds, remind yourself that you’ve already released it.
Isaiah 43:18-19 says:"Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it?"
God is trying to heal you, but you have to let Him. That means letting go, not just with your words, but with your thoughts and emotions too.
Final Thought
If you’re struggling to forgive today, I get it. I really do. But I also know this: holding onto pain will only hold YOU back.
Forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you. And you don’t have to do it alone. God is right there, ready to help you take the first step.
Let’s talk about it: Have you ever struggled with forgiveness? What helped you finally let go? Drop a comment below or share your story—I’d love to hear from you.
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Some really good points. Especially “I forgive BUT will not forget”. Also, praying for the person. Thank you for that.
Giving honor to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Everything I have learned through reading and understanding unforgiveness was exactly what I needed. I have taken it to heart, and after reading, I feel a heavy weight of hidden pain has been lifted. I no longer have to carry that burden, knowing that when I surrender everything to God, He will take care of it.
I no longer revisit my past—everything has become new. I love and trust God because He never lets me down. Thank You, Father, for loving me through my pain.