Introduction: Forgiveness is a Journey, Not a Single Decision
Most people think forgiveness happens in a single moment.
"Just say you forgive them and move on!"
But the truth is, forgiveness is a process—a journey that unfolds step by step, much like healing a deep wound.
In my book, The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness, I share how I struggled with forgiveness after experiencing deep betrayal.
You wouldn’t expect a broken bone to heal overnight. So why do we expect deep emotional wounds to heal instantly?
If you’re struggling to forgive, don’t rush it—just take the next step.
A Personal Journey of Forgiveness (Excerpt from The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness)
In my book, I open up about one of the most painful seasons of my life—a time when forgiveness felt impossible. Here’s a glimpse into my personal story:
I remember vividly the day my world was turned upside down. My first husband, whom I loved deeply, committed adultery and sinned against God. It was the most hurtful thing I had ever experienced. He left our home for over eight months, during which he was nasty and disrespectful to me. He ignored calls from our children and refused to help with household expenses, despite convincing me to quit my job earlier.It felt as if the core had been ripped out of me, like my very essence had been taken. Those were dark days, filled with loneliness and despair. I felt abandoned, not just by my husband, but by life itself. But even in my darkest moments, God was there, waiting for me to turn to Him.Initially, I didn’t lean on God. I ignored every road sign, every traffic light, and every emergency vehicle sent my way. I tried to navigate the pain and betrayal on my own, but the more I struggled, the deeper I sank into a pit of bitterness.Then, one night, as I sat alone in my room, overwhelmed by the weight of my emotions, I remembered the words of Matthew 11:28-30 (KJV):"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."In my brokenness, I cried out to God, seeking the rest He promised. Slowly, His words began to penetrate my heart, offering a glimmer of hope in the darkness. I realized that the path of forgiveness was not something I could walk alone. I needed God’s strength and guidance.
That night, I took the first step. It wasn’t instant, and it wasn’t easy—but it was the beginning of my healing.
Step One: Acknowledge the Hurt
📖 Psalm 34:18 (KJV) – "The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."
Before healing begins, we must first acknowledge the pain. Many people try to suppress their hurt, pretending it doesn’t exist. But forgiveness starts with honesty.
Ask yourself:🔹 What exactly am I struggling to forgive?🔹 How did this offense affect me?🔹 Have I allowed myself to fully process my emotions?
You can’t heal what you won’t acknowledge.
What Forgiveness Isn’t
Before moving forward, let’s clear up some common misconceptions:
❌ Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It doesn’t erase what happened, but it releases its power over you.
❌ Forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation. Some relationships can be restored, but others may need permanent distance.
❌ Forgiveness isn’t weakness. It takes strength to let go and trust God with justice.
Understanding these truths can help you move forward without guilt or confusion.
Step Two: Choose to Release the Offense
📖 Colossians 3:13 (KJV) – "Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."
Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. If we wait until we feel ready, we may never get there.
When you choose to forgive, you are saying:
✅ I release the need for revenge.
✅ I give this pain over to God.
✅ I will not allow this offense to define me.
Your emotions may not instantly align with your choice—but keep choosing it daily, and healing will follow.
Step Three: Pray for Strength and Perspective
📖 Matthew 5:44 (KJV) – "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you."
Praying for those who hurt us feels unnatural, but it’s one of the most powerful steps in forgiveness.
Start small:🙏 "Lord, help me to release this pain."🙏 "Father, soften my heart."🙏 "God, help me see them through Your eyes."
Over time, you’ll notice a change in your heart.
Step Four: Set Boundaries Where Needed
📖 Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) – "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
Forgiveness does not mean allowing toxic people unlimited access to your life.
✅ You can forgive and still set healthy boundaries.
✅ Some relationships can be restored—others require permanent distance.
✅ Either way, guard your heart as you heal.
Boundaries aren’t revenge—they’re wisdom.
Step Five: Keep Moving Forward
📖 Philippians 3:13-14 (KJV) – "Forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus."
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Some days, you’ll feel free—other days, the pain may sneak back in. That’s okay. Forgiveness is a journey.
When old wounds resurface, remind yourself:
✅ I am not back at square one.
✅ This is just another opportunity to reaffirm my choice to forgive.
✅ I will bring this moment of pain to God and trust Him with my healing.
Each time you choose forgiveness, you’re walking in freedom.
💡 Take the Next Step Today
✔️ Write down what step you’re currently on in this process.
✔️ Pray and ask God to reveal the next step for you.
✔️ Drop a comment below: What has helped you in your forgiveness journey? Your testimony could encourage someone else!
🔹 If this post blessed you, share it with someone who needs to hear it today.
📜 Copyright Disclaimer:
All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.
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