Introduction: When Forgiveness Feels Like a Battle
You thought you forgave them, but then a memory resurfaces. The pain rushes back, and suddenly, you’re angry all over again. Does this mean you haven’t really forgiven?
In The Road to Release: A Journey From Unforgiveness to Forgiveness, I remind readers that forgiveness is not a one-time event—it’s a daily choice. It’s important to recognize that forgiveness is a winding, sometimes unpredictable path. Each day brings new challenges and sometimes old wounds reappear. These moments are not failures but opportunities to deepen your understanding of yourself and to lean more into God’s healing love.
If you keep struggling with forgiveness, it doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re human, experiencing the complexity of emotions that come with deep hurt. The good news? God is walking with you through this process, offering you strength and guidance every step of the way.
1. Struggling to Forgive Doesn’t Mean You Haven’t Forgiven
📖 Lamentations 3:22-23 (KJV) – "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."
Forgiveness is like peeling an onion—there are layers to it. You might forgive on one level, but as time goes on, deeper layers of pain surface. This process is much like healing from any deep emotional wound; the surface might start to mend, but the deeper layers need attention as well. This ongoing experience of pain doesn’t invalidate your earlier decision to forgive—it simply reflects the reality that healing unfolds gradually.
Each time the hurt resurfaces, instead of thinking, "I must not have forgiven them," try saying:
"I forgave them before, and I choose to forgive them again today."
This affirmation reinforces your commitment to forgiveness, reminding you that each moment is a fresh opportunity to let go of old pain.
"Healing is happening, even if I can’t see it yet."
Acknowledging that healing is an incremental process can help ease the frustration of not feeling instantly whole.
"God’s grace covers me as I work through this."
Invoking God’s grace serves as a reminder that you are not alone in your struggle and that divine help is always available.
Remember, forgiveness is a process, not a single event. It’s okay to revisit the decision to forgive as often as needed, deepening your release of hurt over time.
2. Unforgiveness Can Masquerade as Self-Protection
📖 Proverbs 4:23 (KJV) – "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life."
Sometimes, holding onto unforgiveness feels like it’s protecting you. You might think:
"If I let this go, they might hurt me again."
"If I forgive, does that mean I have to trust them?"
"Holding onto this pain reminds me never to let my guard down."
However, these thoughts, while understandable, can trap you in a cycle of fear and resentment. Unforgiveness might seem like a form of self-defense, but in reality, it acts like a barrier that prevents you from experiencing true healing and freedom. Instead of protecting you, it poisons your inner life, keeping you emotionally tied to the person or event that caused the hurt.
It’s important to differentiate between setting healthy boundaries and clinging to past pain as a defense mechanism. Boundaries are about safeguarding your well-being without imprisoning you in the past. Unforgiveness, on the other hand, keeps you locked in a cycle of negativity, giving the offender a continued influence over your emotional state.
3. Your Mind Wants Justice, But God Calls You to Release It
📖 Romans 12:19 (KJV) – "Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."
One of the biggest struggles with forgiveness is the desire for justice. You might find yourself thinking:
"They never even apologized!"
"They don’t deserve to be forgiven!"
"They moved on like nothing happened—why should I let it go?"
These thoughts are natural when you’ve been hurt. Your mind seeks to balance the scales and right the wrongs done to you. However, holding on to these ideas of retribution only keeps the wound fresh. Forgiveness isn’t about absolving the other person of their responsibility; it’s about freeing yourself from the chains of resentment.
When you forgive, you’re not condoning what happened. Instead, you are trusting that God, who is just and loving, will address the imbalance. This act of surrender allows you to reclaim your peace and move forward, knowing that the burden of seeking personal justice is lifted from your shoulders.
4. The Enemy Will Try to Pull You Back Into Unforgiveness
📖 2 Corinthians 2:10-11 (KJV) – "To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also... Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices."
The enemy is always on the lookout for opportunities to disrupt your healing journey. Bitterness and unforgiveness are powerful tools that can be used to keep you locked in past hurts. When you begin to experience progress, you might notice:
🔹 Old wounds resurfacing unexpectedly.
🔹 Sudden bursts of anger that seem disproportionate to current circumstances.
🔹 Memories manipulated by negative thoughts, keeping you tethered to the past.
These experiences are not signs of failure; they are reminders of the spiritual battle happening within. Recognize these tactics for what they are—attempts to derail your journey toward freedom. Each time you sense unforgiveness creeping in, reaffirm your commitment by saying:
"I have already forgiven, and I will not reopen this wound."
This statement helps to reaffirm the decisions you’ve already made and reinforces your resolve.
"I refuse to let bitterness take root in my heart."
Such an affirmation is a proactive step in guarding your heart against negativity.
"Satan, you will not steal my peace."
Directly addressing the enemy in your thoughts can empower you to reject his influence over your emotions.
Staying vigilant against these influences ensures that your progress in forgiveness is not undone by fleeting moments of vulnerability.
5. Keep Bringing It Back to God
📖 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV) – "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness."
Forgiving on your own can feel overwhelming, but you are not expected to shoulder this burden alone. God’s grace and strength are always available, especially in moments of weakness. When you find yourself struggling, return to Him. Allow His love to fill in the gaps where your strength falls short.
If you’re having difficulty releasing the pain, consider this prayer as a gentle reminder of God’s presence:
"Lord, I’m trying, but it’s hard. I don’t want to hold onto this hurt, but it still lingers. Please help me release this pain into Your hands. I trust You with my healing and with justice. Strengthen my heart and help me walk in freedom. In Jesus’ name, Amen."
This prayer is more than just words—it’s an invitation to let God work in the spaces of your heart where hurt resides. By continually bringing your struggles to Him, you remind yourself that His strength is made perfect in your weakness.
Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting what happened—it’s about trusting God with what you cannot manage on your own.
The Road to Release: Keep Moving Forward
If you’re still struggling, don’t beat yourself up. Forgiveness is a journey, not a destination. Each step, even those that feel like setbacks, is a part of your overall growth and healing.
💡 Reflection:
Do I believe that forgiveness is a daily choice?
Reflect on how embracing forgiveness every day, even in small ways, gradually transforms your heart.
Am I holding onto unforgiveness out of fear or self-protection?
Consider whether your reluctance to forgive is rooted in a desire to avoid future pain or to maintain a sense of control.
Have I fully surrendered this situation to God?
Examine if you are trusting God with the details of your hurt, allowing Him to bring about the justice and healing that only He can provide.
Forgiveness is ultimately about your healing, your freedom, and your peace. The journey may be long and at times challenging, but every effort you make is a step toward reclaiming your emotional and spiritual well-being.
Let’s Talk
Have you ever had to re-forgive someone you thought you had already forgiven? What insights or practices helped you move forward? Drop a comment below—I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Your story might just be the encouragement someone else needs to take another step on their path to forgiveness.
Remember, the struggle with forgiveness doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you’re in the process of becoming stronger, more compassionate, and more aligned with God’s grace. Keep pressing forward, and allow His love to lead you every day.
📜 Copyright Disclaimer:
All content in this blog series, including text, images, and any related materials, is the exclusive property of Tressa L. Ruffin and God's Blaze Setter. No part of this content may be copied, reproduced, distributed, or used in any manner without express written permission from the author. For permissions or inquiries, please contact theauthortlr@gmail.com.
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